Faith and Mental Illness…. My journey

For years, I had a routine. Every Friday, I would read or listen to Surah Al-Kahf. It was simply something I did—a habit, a weekly checklist item. But if I am being completely honest, I was in a state of ghaflah (heedlessness). Like so many of us, I overlooked the true depth of the Qur’an. We value memorisation and recitation, but we often fail to reflect on its meanings or apply its teachings to our daily lives. Sometimes, we only turn to the Qur’an when it suits us or when we are in need.

Recently, I went through a mild mental health episode. Living with schizoaffective disorder means facing periods that are frightening and challenging, and during this last episode, I felt scared and isolated. On top of that, I was carrying the hidden grief and trauma of losing my child. When the symptoms became too much to bear, I did what I have always done when my mind becomes altered: I retreated completely into my room.

Being confined to my room meant being left alone with my thoughts. As insomnia took hold, I felt the darkness acutely. Yet the one light that remained in that darkness was my faith and hope in Allah. I kept repeating to myself, “The promise of Allah is true.” I knew that Allah would not abandon me in my time of greatest need. It was the light of faith that carried me through the darkness.

It was some time after this that I found myself reflecting on the story of the Youth of the Cave in Surah Al-Kahf and the verses Allah revealed about them.

Allah says:
“Indeed, they were youths who believed in their Lord, and We increased them in guidance.”
(Surah Al-Kahf 18:13)

And He says:
“When you have withdrawn from them and what they worship besides Allah, retreat to the cave. Your Lord will spread out for you of His mercy and will make easy for you your affair.”
(Surah Al-Kahf 18:16)

They had faith and knew with certainty that the promise of Allah is true. They withdrew from society, not out of despair, but to preserve what mattered most: their faith.

Allah says:
“And thus We made their case known, that they might know that the promise of Allah is true…”
(Surah Al-Kahf 18:21)

I began to realize that the story of the Youth of the Cave was not merely ancient history. It was a lesson for all times.
When those young believers realised they could not fix a broken and hostile society, they stopped trying to control the outside world. Instead, they focused entirely on what they could control: preserving their faith and protecting their souls.

In my darkest moments, isolating myself became a survival mechanism. I kept to my room because the storm inside my mind was raging too fiercely.
Perhaps my room became my cave.

The Miracle of Waking Up
The youth slept in that cave, completely protected by Allah, for centuries. And when they finally awoke and stepped outside, they found that the world around them had changed. The society that had once persecuted them had transformed into something better.

Lately, I have felt something similar.
Slowly and beautifully, Allah has brought me out of the fog of my thoughts. I honestly feel like I am stepping out of my cave. I can see hope again. I see hope for humanity and, more importantly, I see hope for myself.

There is a beautiful reminder in Islam that despair is not the way of the believer. To believe in Allah means to hold onto the unshakeable hope that a better day is coming.

Allah says:
“And who despairs of the mercy of his Lord except those who are astray?”
(Surah Al-Hijr 15:56)

And He says:
“Do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins.”
(Surah Az-Zumar 39:53)

Stepping Into the Light

I am still on this journey. My schizoaffective disorder is a daily battle, and the grief of losing my child is something I will always carry. I have not figured everything out, and perhaps I never will. But I am finally willing to show the world what is in my heart. I know that Allah did not bring me through all of this without purpose. I have so much to offer, and I am done doubting my own abilities or hiding away in the dark.

If you are currently in your own cave—trapped by mental illness, grief, doubt, fear, or loneliness—hold on.

Don’t treat the Qur’an as a distant book. Listen to it. Reflect on it. Allow it to speak to you. You may find that the stories you have heard all your life suddenly become mirrors for your own journey.

Know that Allah is with you in the quiet of your cave, even when no one else understands. His knowledge encompasses all things, and His promise is true.

I pray Allah accepts this from me and always keeps me sincere ❤️