Faith and Mental Illness…. My journey

Bismillāhir-Raḥmānir-Raḥīm
During a recent roadblock in my life, I found myself reflecting deeply on some lessons that I want to share.
Sometimes, life doesn’t go according to our plans. We reach a point where we feel stuck, disappointed or uncertain about what comes next. But perhaps these moments are not simply obstacles. Perhaps they are opportunities to pause, reflect and look honestly at ourselves.

Allah says:
“And whatever strikes you of disaster—it is for what your hands have earned; but He pardons much.”
(Surah Ash-Shura 42:30)

This verse made me reflect on how often we find ourselves complaining about circumstances without first asking ourselves whether our own choices contributed to where we ended up.
In my own situation, I withheld an important truth because I was afraid of the repercussions. I convinced myself that remaining silent might protect me from an unfavourable outcome.
But ultimately, the outcome was not in my favour anyway.
It taught me something very important:
Sometimes we withhold the truth because we are afraid of what honesty might cost us, only to discover that dishonesty—or even the withholding of an important truth—does not necessarily protect us from the consequences we fear.
As the saying goes, honesty is the best policy.

But as Muslims, we don’t need a proverb to remind us of the importance of truthfulness. Our Prophet ﷺ explicitly commanded us to be truthful.

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:
“You must be truthful. Verily, truthfulness leads to righteousness, and righteousness leads to Paradise. A man continues to be truthful and encourages honesty until he is recorded with Allah as truthful. And beware of falsehood. Verily, falsehood leads to wickedness, and wickedness leads to the Hellfire…“
(Sahih al-Bukhari 6094; Sahih Muslim 2607)

Truth can sometimes be uncomfortable.
It can sometimes cost us.
It can sometimes expose our mistakes.
But I am learning that it is better to face an uncomfortable truth than to build our lives around something we know is not right.

Self-Accountability

Another lesson I have been reminded of is the importance of muhasabah—taking ourselves to account.
Umar ibn al-Khattab رضي الله عنه is reported to have said:
“Bring yourselves to account before you are brought to account, and weigh your deeds before they are weighed for you.“

Self-reflection requires honesty.
Not the kind of honesty we use to judge everyone else, but the kind that requires us to look at ourselves an hold ourselves to account.

And when we recognise our mistakes, we should not become consumed by guilt. We should rectify what we can, seek forgiveness from Allah, make amends where necessary and learn from what happened.
Turn Back to Allah
But perhaps the most important lesson I am taking from this experience is this:
When life becomes a roadblock, turn to Allah.
Not only when things are going well.
Not only when our plans succeed.
But especially when everything seems to be falling apart.
Allah is ultimately in control of every outcome.
We make plans. We make decisions. We take the means available to us. But the final outcome belongs to Allah.
And sometimes the outcome we desperately want is not the outcome Allah has written for us.
That can be painful.
But it can also be an act of mercy.

I am reminded of the events surrounding the Treaty of Hudaybiyyah.
The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ and his companions set out intending to perform Umrah, but they were prevented from entering Makkah. The companions were deeply distressed by the circumstances and found some of the terms of the treaty extremely difficult to accept.
Yet what appeared to them at that moment to be a setback was described by Allah as a clear victory:
“Indeed, We have granted you a clear victory.“
(Surah Al-Fath 48:1)
What looked like a roadblock became an opening.
What looked like defeat became victory.
What looked like disappointment contained immense wisdom.
And perhaps that is something I need to remember in my own life.
I may not understand why a particular door has closed.
I may not understand why my plans have changed.
I may not understand why something I hoped for did not happen.
But I know that Allah sees what I cannot see.
Allah says:
“Perhaps you dislike something while it is good for you, and perhaps you love something while it is bad for you. Allah knows, and you do not know.”
(Surah Al-Baqarah 2:216)
So I am learning to make my plans while surrendering the outcome to Allah.
I am learning to be honest, even when honesty is uncomfortable.
I am learning to take accountability for my choices instead of blaming everything around me.
And I am learning that when things don’t go according to my plans, I don’t have to assume that everything has gone wrong.
Perhaps there is khayr in what I cannot yet see.
Perhaps Allah is redirecting me.
Perhaps He is protecting me.
Perhaps He is teaching me.
Perhaps He is removing something that I thought I needed.

I don’t know what the final outcome of my current situation will be.
But I know Who does.
Allah knows.
And that is enough for me to keep moving forward.

May Allah forgive me for the mistakes I have made, give me the courage to be truthful even when it is difficult, allow me to take honest accountability for my actions, and give me the wisdom to recognise the lessons hidden within my trials.
May He turn every roadblock into a means of drawing closer to Him.
And may He grant me the contentment to accept His decree while continuing to strive for what is good.
Āmīn.

───

A note to my readers
I want to be transparent about how I write these reflections.
The thoughts and experiences I share on this blog are my own. They come from my personal reflections, experiences and understanding.
However, I sometimes use AI as an editing and organisational tool to help me structure my often-disjointed thoughts, improve the flow and express what I am trying to say more clearly.
The experiences, reflections and message are mine. AI simply helps me put some order to my words.
Where I share Qur’anic verses, hadith or statements attributed to the scholars and Sahabah, I try to provide the relevant sources, and I encourage readers to verify and learn from qualified scholars as well.